When fear attacks
Ahhhh, fear. Most of us know it pretty well. The stream of frightened thoughts, the heaviness in the chest, the churning in the stomach, the clammy hands. We can go from calm and going about our day to gripped by absolute panic in seconds flat. It might last for a few minutes, or several hours or even days. We may have even found ourselves in a position where fear has become a standard part of our everyday lives.
But what is fear?
Fear is a natural, automatic response to a perceived danger. Something happens, and our senses have to take in the information of the situation and decide what to do. If there’s no danger, we carry on as normal. But if the brain believes the situation to be dangerous, it sounds the alarm, signaling to the body that it needs to act to ensure our survival. When the brain goes into survival mode, your autonomic nervous system (the part of you that governs breathing, respiration, digestion and sexual arousal) switches into fight or flight. Each time this happens, the brain stores it as a memory, so we start to build a catalog of what’s dangerous and what’s not. This is immensely helpful in the right circumstances. Our brain is able to scan the environment, look for signs that fit the profile of being dangerous, and then act accordingly. From the experiences of our ancestors, our brains now know that lions, aggressive neighboring tribes and getting lost in the wilderness = danger.
But what about when you live in Melbourne, where there aren’t any lions, aggressive tribes or wilderness to get lost in, and yet the same ancient survival tactic of fight or flight is still activating, constantly? And it’s happening when you open your inbox, or get cut off in traffic, or exchange tense words with your partner? None of these situations are inherently life threatening, and yet our minds and bodies are behaving as if we’re about to die. Somewhere along the way, those experiences have been put into the danger category. Now, when they happen, we feel our very life is on the line.
The trouble is, the brain can’t tell the difference between a real threat or an imagined threat. So even just imagining a scary scenario triggers the same process of fight or flight.
Let’s see how this plays out in real life: you’re at work and your boss has seemed grumpy all day. You ask for their help and they give you a short, impatient answer. Before you know it, your heart’s racing, your hands are sweaty and you can’t concentrate. All that’s running through your mind is I suck at my job, she’s going to fire me, everyone will laugh, I’ll never get another job, then I’ll be homeless, then my partner will leave me, then I’ll be all alone, and then I’ll die. All this is going on while you’re still sitting safely at your desk, mind you. None of it has happened, but the idea of it happening has triggered the internal experience as if it is.
One of the most powerful things I’ve ever learned is that all fear is fear of death. Fear is the response to a threat (real or imagined) to our physical existence. The entire reason we have a fear response is to keep us alive. That’s it’s one job, and it takes it really seriously.
When our sense of self is based entirely on external factors – things like your bank balance, job title, relationship status, body shape, clothes, opinions etc – our ideas of survival are based solely on whether those things are going the way we think they should or not.
The problem is, the external world is always changing. Your bank balance goes up and down, jobs, partners, friends and fashion come and go. None of it stays the same. In fact the only consistency is that it’s guaranteed not to be consistent. And still our internal equilibrium is based on the ever-changing external. It’s like building a house on sand. Not overly sturdy! If we want to be less at the mercy of our changing environment, we need to become identified as something that is not dependent on that environment.
Underneath all of our thoughts, ideas, opinions, experiences and circumstances lies another, often forgotten or rarely experienced part of ourselves. This part of ourselves is our true nature, us at our very essence – our Being. It exists beyond the fluctuations of the mind as an expansive awareness. It’s the witnessing aspect of ourselves'; that is, the part of us that can observe our own thoughts and experiences. This part of ourselves is intuitive, creative, expansive and wise. It’s the part of us that is deeply attuned to the universe and our role in it.
How do we get to experience this part of ourselves?
Through practices like Vedic meditation, we begin to experience, even just for a moment, something other than the incessant chattering of our mind. We see that there is something to us other than the thoughts. We come into direct contact with the silence that exists beneath the noise, the stillness that is always present amidst the chaos. As we experience this, our identity gradually starts to identify more as this aspect, rather than just the thoughts.
Now, we have an experience of ourselves that is not determined by our external environment. We build steadiness in this, capable of handling life’s unknowns with more grace and less fear. When we know ourselves as this non-changing, expansive Being, we know ourselves as something other than our external circumstances. So now, when those things change, we’re less affected. Things can come and go, things can go “to plan” or not, and we’re still ok. We can show up and face life without being so afraid. And even when the fear response does activate, there’s a sense of stability and knowingness that remains.
Before we get into some tips, I want to make clear that this article is not intended to diminish or disregard anything that anyone is experiencing. Many of us are facing things that understandably bring fear – health challenges, domestic violence, discrimination and trauma are all very real experiences some of us carry, and not all fear is simply because of a grumpy boss. Every experience is valid, and this article is here to serve as a loving reminder that although your experiences are part of you, they are not all of you.
In moments of fear, there are plenty of things we can do to bring ourselves back to a more expansive, steady viewpoint. I’ve listed a few here that have helped me (and continue to do so) over the years in the hope that they can help you too.
1 Acknowledge and allow
First, recognise the fear. Notice the thoughts and feelings, and rather than stuffing them away, arguing with them or avoiding them, let them be there. BUT! Don’t buy into their story line. This is the important bit. Instead, see if you can observe them without any attachment. Just notice that they’re there. Resistance is fuel for fear. When we stop and face it, much of the pressure reduces and creates the space for us to handle it.
2 Come to your senses
Fear starts in the mind, and in fearful moments we can use our senses to take us out of the catastrophizing of the mind and into the present. Take a moment to go through your senses and observe what they can pick up. Focus your attention on 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This might look like: I can see the sun, my hands, the empty coffee cup, a painting on the wall and my sleeping cat. I can feel the warmth of my jumper, feet on the ground, the solidity of the chair underneath me and the breeze through the window. I can hear the birds outside, the clock ticking and my cat purring. I can smell the remains of incense and my lunch. I can taste the remnants of my cup of tea.
3 Remember the truth of what you are
The truth is that you are already whole and complete and there is nothing outside of you that can make you complete. As an individual expression of universal consciousness, you are already perfect, exactly where you need to be and life wouldn’t throw anything at you that you can’t handle. Trust this.
4 Change your language
Instead of saying, “I am anxious”, trying saying, “I feel anxious or I’m experiencing anxiety”. This subtle language shift helps us to de-identify from the emotion while still acknowledging that it exists. When we say I am something, we’re creating our identity out of it. You’re not anxiety. You’re a human being. Your experience may include some anxiety in this moment but your experience is not you.
5 Do not skip your meditations
Each time we meditate, we align ourselves with the deeper Self. We become something other than the thinking mind. We connect with our deeper sense of Self, where our courage, creativity, and intuition reside. The more we practice meditation, the more this aspect of ourselves becomes readily available, to the point where it becomes permanently established as our nature. It doesn’t work if we wait until life gets stressful before we start practising. We have to do it each day, like a preventative strategy rather than a quick fix.